An outsider’s journey
I was that weird kid. Every day I got bullied. I wanted to be like everyone else so much. But no matter how hard I tried, I remained an outsider.
At night, a different kind of power loomed. The frightful Baba Yaga witch chased me in my dreams. I was sure I would perish if she caught me. And then one night, tired of running away, I let her devour me.
The next morning, I was reborn - as her. That old hag, dark goddess of the forest – me!
So, I dared myself to start making art in order to channel my inner vision, and first discovered the flow of creation.
“I love the sensitive roughness of Yagama’s art so much. It's cool, it’s lovely, it’s untamed, it’s special, it’s hopeful, it’s wise...
Great art that makes the world a better place.”
Jürgen Kretschmann
Art is Alchemy
It took me years to truly embrace my wildness…
My path lay through a dark forest of downturns and strange twists, self-doubt alternating with rapture. I was left homeless on the streets of a megapolis. Relationships disintegrated, and opportunity always seemed to slip through my fingers. Here I was, a multiple ethnicity, immigrant, bisexual alien who didn't know where she belonged. The feeling I'd had since childhood, that I was unwanted and unfit for this world, kept coming back. There was an abyss inside.
I knew that to find my truth, I had to dive in, no holds barred. I experimented with substances, trying to peek into the truth of Reality. Some experiences were profound, inspiring and terrifying all at once. But soon I found myself running in a circle. I went deeper into spirituality, and was very blessed to meet wonderful teachers. On my quest into the unknown, I encountered free spirits, hungry spirits, and compassionate ones. I kept catching glimpses of my own soul reflected in the eyes of friends and strangers, and that keep me going...
Through all of this, art was my medicine and my alchemy to process all my experiences. It grounded me and inspired me to do the best I can on my time here on earth, not just for myself but for others.
My art is your protection spell
The most profound moment with my art was also the most painful. In 2004, I led a team to create three big effigies of beings from Bulgarian folklore at a local festival. I cast protection spells inside the sculptures. One morning, the huge 3 meter effigies were gone. They'd been destroyed overnight, by men who denounced me a witch.
It hurt to know that my labor of love had provoked such deep seated, patriarchal fears. But I knew in my bones then, that my art has very real and tangible power, a power that can be a force for good. The sculptures had done their job - they redirected the negative energies to shield the festival goers.
This experience led me to fall in love with and produce a series of labyrinths at events and public spaces. As I learned how to transmute fears and limiting beliefs in the cauldron of creativity, I explored the alchemical potential of paintings, poems, video, film and mixed media.
Empowerment
My breakthrough came when I became a mom. Birthing took me to a place beyond pain and self, sacred and profane, to the cave where souls await to be brought to this world. A place beyond cares, yet full of all the care in the world. A place where nobody is an outsider, nothing is unwanted, and everything is one...
In my womb I discovered the womb of the world. I carried a red thread from there and I wove it into all my work. It's my offering for the Goddess, the Supreme Reality - in me, and in you.
As I birthed my daughter, a new me came forth. Becoming a mother had been my ultimate limitation and biggest fear. I had sworn I would never parent a child into a world that seems to be falling apart.
Motherhood offered the gift of owning my vulnerability. And the challenge of a deeper responsibility towards the physical world to which I could now finally, viscerally feel the connection. A connection that had always been there. I just hadn't noticed it because I was hiding behind the pain of being an outcast.
I finally feel hope for all of us sharing this wonderful planet, and a sense of belonging to an extended community of all beings. My faith in the profound importance of art as a vehicle for empowerment and transformation burns brighter than ever.
NOW is the time to be fierce and not afraid of stepping into the New.
NOW is the time to question and seek even if it seems like the answers are an impossibility.
NOW is the time to be the change we want to see.
And you are warmly welcome and invited to join me on this magical art journey.
I dare you!
Let’s connect!
© 2024 Yagama
